Andre Barclay

Pics

2012-01-23T05:17:00.000-08:00

Here are a couple new pics I did from a shoot in Boston this past weekend.

New year 2012

2012-01-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

My apologies for going so long and not writing a post. I know I have received many e-mails asking when I will be updating my blog again. Well here we go. It's the start of a new year.

I am glad the holidays are over with. I spent both thanksgiving and christmas with my family on the east coast. Otherwise the month of December I took the month off from traveling and just stayed here at home in Dallas. It was a much needed break from the hectic travel schedule. My family is doing okay. My brother is slowly getting better but everyday is still an uphill battle for him. But he has made tremendous progress compared to where he was even 6 months ago.

This year is starting off busy. This week I am off to Detroit. This month I will also be in San Francisco, Boston, New York and Washington DC. I am thrilled to announce that I will be shooting a scene later this month while I am in NYC. I knows its been a while since I have shot any new material but I am thrilled to get back on camera this month. Hopefully this will be the first of many exciting shoots in 2012. This past year I only did one shoot the entire year. I was so overwhelmed with my family ,traveling and trying to settle into my new place in Dallas. Luckily things have calmed down now so I can focus on more filming.

I feel that after 4 years in the industry , I have finally gotten to the point where I am really only shooting scenes that I am truly interested in doing. It is no longer about taking any scene you can get just so you can get your name out there. I think I am finally past that stage. People are aware of who I am. I will give further details in the coming weeks of my new scene that I will be shooting in NYC. All I can say to my fans is that I promise I will be giving it my 110% as always and I am sure it will be a rockin hot scene.

Well that's all for now. Just wanted to write a quick blog and wish everyone a happy and prosperous 2012!!!

The world has changed

2011-10-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

The world has changed so much. Society has crumbled to a point where a person having basic manners is now viewed as a rarity. Sometimes I just sit back in amazement watching interactions people have with one another in public. No matter where you go, the store clerks are rude, the customers push each other around and children have filthy mouths. When I was growing up I was taught manners and how to be a proper gentleman. You held the door for other people, you said please and thank you and you always acknowledged people even if it was just a simple hello.

When did we become such a selfish society? Most people don't care about their fellow man. People can be starving and freezing cold on the street and most people can walk right by and it doesn't even affect them at all. There are people buying 39,000 dollar backpacks while others suffer and can't even afford a basic meal. Is this what God wanted us to become? I highly doubt it. I was raised Catholic as a child. I was taught compassion and how we should always help a fellow man in need. What happened to just simple love and compassion?

Why is that we feel the need to insult a total stranger and hurt their feelings? Are people that sick, that hurting someone else brings them happiness. I think whats happened in this world is most people have no idea what happiness is. But the reality is it's their own fault. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Be the change you want to see in the world. Maybe one day the world will wake up and things will change. Maybe once again our society can be a society filled with love instead of hate. I know for myself I dream about that everyday.

Realizing what's important

2011-09-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't written in my blog in a long time. I get distracted with work and everything going on. Last month I took a few days off to go back and visit my family. My brother was still sick but the situation got worse when I was there. My second night there my brother didn't feel well and blacked out and fell. As my parents and I were attending to him, he had a seizure. Unfortunately due to the fact that we live in the country it takes the ambulance a good 20 minutes or more to get to our house. I just remember my brother on the floor and holding my hand. He was so out of it and had no idea who were were for a bit. I sat there holding his hand and with him resting up against me and all I could think to myself was this the end. Was this how it was all going to end and that I was going to lose my only brother. My brother is only 3 years older than I am and he is my only biological sibling. My parents and I were there with him doing everything we could. Eventually the ambulance came and he went to the hospital. After 4 days they released him and he came home a little better. Now its been a month since that episode and he is improving and the doctors say that his chances of a full recovery are looking pretty good.

It's moments like these that make us realize what really matters in life. My brother and I have never really had much in common, in fact we are complete opposites. But at the end of the day , he is my brother and I love him no matter what. He was very happy that I was home to be there with him and said he knows he could count on his little brother to take care of him. We should be thankful for everyday we have on this earth. Everyday that God lets us live and be alive and most importantly feel love for one another. All of us too often forget the one thing that matters the most in this life. Love!

Other than that I am finally done my summer of traveling and after 3 months on the road I am back home. I went to 22 states during my three months and it was quite and adventure. But I am happy to be back home and back to my normal routine. My travel schedule will be considerably lighter for the remainder of this year.

Life is rough

2011-07-30T18:30:00.000-07:00

I always knew life was hard in general but i never realized how life just isn't fair. Bad things happen to good people all the time. I was always a firm believer in karma but the older I get the more I question how strong karma really is. So many people suffer who don't deserve it.

As most people know from previous blogs my family is in a constant health battle. My father is better but is still not himself a year later. My older brother has been sick for over two years now. He isn't getting any better. My heart breaks every time I call my parents cause my mother always breaks down in tears on the phone. She tries her hardest to not make me worry and stress me out but I am well aware of the seriousness of the situation. More and more lately I fear losing my brother or my dad. It's a thought that never leaves my mind anymore. The future is very scary and I try my hardest not to even have such thoughts. I pray every night in bed that god will be good to them and make them healthy again.

I feel terrible that I can't be there to help my family out more. But it's so hard living half way across the country and I have my life and work keeping me busy. I try my best to help out but I sometimes feel like it's just not enough. Lately, I find myself feeling so much burden on my shoulders with so much going on. Traveling all over for work, still trying to do movie shoots, maintaining some sort of a social life and still make time to spend with my family.

At the end of the day inside I know that all I can do is try my very best to do as much as I can. I tell myself everyday that things will get better. I have to have faith that they will!

Latest movie release

2011-07-22T06:27:00.001-07:00

Here is my latest movie release. Monster black cocks 2 from SX video. Go to www.sxvideo.com and check it out!!

Summer Road Trip

2011-07-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

Well my summer road trip continues. By now, I planned on being back in Dallas but have decided to continue on my trip for the next few months. It has been just over three weeks so far and I have driven over 3000 miles. So far I have been to Oklahoma City,Saint Louis,Chicago, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh and Washington DC. Next on the list is Norfolk, Raleigh. Charlotte and Atlanta. So far I have really enjoyed being on the road again. I have traveled so much in my life already that to stay in one place for an extended period of time just seems unnatural. This has so far has been a great experience. I love driving because you get to see so much you would miss when you fly. Plus it allows me to have a flexible schedule. I will write another blog soon just wanted to post an update on my trip.

Birthday Weekend

2011-06-07T18:35:00.000-07:00

Wonderful birthday weekend with my friends Robert and Michael. It was so great having company at my new place in Dallas. We had a great weekend hanging out and catching up. It was awesome that they were both able to come from DC and Boston to see me.We got to spend time by the pool and going to the movies. Robert and I went to the Bliss spa at the W for facials. I posted a couple pics of us below.

30 and Fabulous !

2011-05-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

I will openly admit it that tomorrow is my 30th birthday. I am not depressed about it nor am I going to hide the fact that I am turning thirty. Honestly I look in the mirror and still see the same fabulous bitch I always have been. There is no need to depressed about turning any age in my opinion. Age is nothing more than a number. You can look great and be fabulous at any age. In reality I am actually glad to put my 20's behind me. While it was a great learning experience over the past decade, I have no desire to go back. I think the 20's is a very hard period in a persons life because we are trying to figure out who we are and what we want in life. I know the 30's is going to be better and many wonderful things are on the horizon.

Tomorrow my best friend Robert is coming to see me for the weekend. Just wanna say how much I love him and that he is like a brother to me. I can't imagine my life without him. At 30 I think I have so much to be thankful for and I have many wonderful people in my life. Maybe life doesn't always turn out to be exactly how we planned it but we can make it an incredible journey. As I always say live everyday like it was your last and live with no regrets!!

Q Magazine Interview

2011-05-20T21:50:00.000-07:00

Interview in Q Magazine!!
June 2011 issue

I am very excited that my interview with Australia's Q magazine has come out in the latest issue. Please go to http://www.qmagazine.com.au/ to read the entire interview. Thanks again to my Marc Porter for giving me the opportunity to be in the magazine.

Never give up

2011-05-08T19:18:00.000-07:00

"Never give up" seems to be a quote that sticks in the back of my mind everyday. It seems so apparent that with every passing year our society becomes more and more screwed up. I pride myself on being one of those people though no matter what happens I always pick up the pieces and move on. People will constantly toy with our emotions and hurt us intentionally. But we need to tell ourselves that we can't let these people bring us down. I have always been a firm believer that you must be the change you want to see in the world. I know for myself there are days when I get so fed up that I just wanna throw in the towel. But I step back and then think to myself that I am above that. I am stronger than that. I possess the strength to overcome the pains of everyday life and continue on my journey.

Today, since it was mothers day I posted a couple posts about my mom. Probably the most important one was just thanking my mother for being there. Always being by my side especially when I was in high school and bullied by the other boys in school. I thank her for giving me the strength to never give up and overcome this. My mother taught me to never let other people make you feel beneath them and bring you down. If they bullied you it was just because they wished they had the strength and courage that you possessed. My mother is an inspiration to me and I will always admire her for her strength. Whenever life gets down I just remember what she taught me and I keep my head held high.

One day I hope that I will have a child of my own to pass this wisdom onto and make a positive influence on society. We all need to remember never to give up.

Happiness

2011-04-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

Lately it's more and more apparent to me how unhappy most people in this world are. I look around and think wow I used to be one of those people. My birthday is coming soon and usually I get all depressed about it but this year for once I am not at all. Actually I am not even worried about being another year older. The reason behind it? Because I have figured out how to be happy in life.

When I was younger I used to think that material things were always the key to happiness. The more you had the happier you would be.But actually it was just the opposite. The more you had the more you wanted bigger and better things. It was like a hunger that was just never satisfied. Some people who don't know me probably might think I am a little "off". I smile for no reason. I catch myself singing along with my ipod at the gym some mornings. Happiness isn't about finding perfection. It's about being able to find all the good and the positive in what you already have. At the end of the day material things and money mean nothing. Loving yourself and loving others is what really matters.

My life isn't the "image" of perfection in most peoples views.But what is so called "perfect"? I think of myself and every human as perfect just the way they are. There is so much love and beauty in this world. We just have to be able to see it and most of us are incapable of seeing it. All we can see is the negative that is plastered all over the news. Obviously from reading my past blogs my family has had their share of troubles and they still do. My brother is seriously ill and struggling for his life. Yet at the same time I know that in our family there is so much love that it can overcome anything. I know just like my family, I get up every morning and thank god for everything I have. I have faith that everything will work out exactly the way it was meant to.
Happiness is about living in the moment. Loving every second you have to be with the ones you love. Living everyday like it was your last. Live life with no regrets.

Move

2011-03-27T17:15:00.001-07:00

Well I am officially moved into my new place in Dallas. I absolutely love my new loft. It's still half empty as most of the furniture is still on order. It's definitely going to take some adjust from traveling all the time and living in hotels but it is really nice to have my own place again. I especially love my new place because of all the space. It is a huge apartment for one person.

My parents have been absolutely wonderful. They have been so generous to me during this move. They bought me a new bed for my apartment. I didn't have a car which I desperately needed so they are giving me one of theirs. Talk about awesome!!! It's amazing how it's only been eight months since I reunited with my family and we already back to being so close. I feel so lucky that we were able to work things out and be a family again.

The adjustment to Dallas is a little hard just because it's so different than San Francisco. Definitely going to take some time to get used to but hopefully it will work out.

Passing on

2011-03-12T17:24:00.001-08:00

Last week one night just after dinner I got a phone call from my mother telling me that my grandmother had been rushed into the emergency room. She had went into septic shock and was in critical condition. She only lived for a few more hours after that before she passed on. She was 87 years old and had lived a good life. I am one of those people in which death doesn't scare me. While I was upset about the passing of my grandmother, I believe our souls are eternal. This is just the body we are in for this life. I believe that we all live multiple lives. “We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love... and then we return home.”

We had a turbulent relationship for about the past 10 years. I had actually just seen her back in December for the first time in about 7 years. We had a family falling out many years ago which resulted in us not speaking. The reality is I did forgive my grandmother and I am really happy that I saw her just recently before she passed. I choose to remember all the good times we had when I was growing up. I consider myself pretty lucky that I had a really wonderful childhood. My grandmother used to always take my cousin and I camping in the summer and to the beach. We always had a wonderful time. She is gone now but I have memories that I will hold dear to my heart and cherish the rest of this life. I pray she is in peace.

Photo Shoot

2011-03-10T15:20:00.001-08:00

I have posted a couple new photos that were taken by an awesome photographer in Boston this past weekend.

Bahamas

2011-01-24T15:48:00.000-08:00

Well I am back from my cruise to the Bahamas. Overall it was a wonderful week. A much needed vacation. Got plenty of beach time and got to drive the wave runner around the islands. The cruise was really nice and my friend and I both had so much fun. It was really wonderful for four whole days to shut my cell phone off and not even check my e-mail. This vacation made me realize something more important. It's time to make some changes in my life and I have every intention of starting to do that.

Holidays and a new year

2011-01-07T17:48:00.000-08:00

A new year is upon us once again. Feels like just yesterday I was writing a blog entry for the new year 2010. Well the holidays are over and I spent a week in Connecticut with my family. It was the first Christmas we had spent together in five years. It's amazing how after not talking for so many years we have managed to start over and be a family again. My parents were so happy to have me home they even asked me to stay longer but I have to get back to everyday life. I am really getting excited that in just a little over a week, I will be heading to the Bahamas for a nice vacation with my good friend Robert. I will definitely post some pics on my blog.

Now that it's a new year I just wanna say thanks again to all my fans for their support over the past year. I appreciate all the supportive e-mails and compliments about scenes I was in. I didn't shoot nearly as many movies in 2010 as I did in 2009 but it was still a decent year overall. No idea what 2011 holds in terms of shooting scenes. So far nothing is in the pipeline but hopefully some good new movie opportunities will come along. Overall 2010 was a pretty rough year for me but I am very optimistic about 2011 and have faith that there are many good things coming. So far 2011 is already turning out to be a great year. Once again thanks to everyone for their continued support. Wishing everyone the best of luck in 2011.

New SX Video

2011-01-03T12:10:00.000-08:00

Happy to announce the release of my newest movie from SX Video entitled Monster Cocks 3. I flew down to San Diego in early November to shoot this scene with Antonio Biaggi. As many already know Antonio and I had worked together before at Raging Stallion. It was a pleasure getting to work with him again. He is a great guy. Thanks to the guys at SX video for asking me to be part of this new movie.

Seattle

2010-12-14T20:09:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to write a quick blog about my weekend. This past weekend I made a trip up to Seattle to see my friends. The first time I had been there in about five years. I lived there many years ago when I was in college before I moved to San Francisco. I posted a pic of me and my best girlfriend Sarah. We both were laughing looking at it saying how much we both have changed since we first met eight years ago working at the Marriott in Seattle. But we have stayed close friends all these years. Of course the weather in Seattle was absolutely miserable. It was cold and pouring rain the entire weekend. Reminded me of why I disliked the winters in Seattle so much when I lived there. Even though I miss some of my friends, I don't miss the city itself.

I would have never imagined when I left Seattle for San Francisco seven years ago that this is where life would lead me. Life is full of surprises. Also makes me wonder what the next chapter of my life holds. When I first started in the porn industry , I envisioned that once my time of being on camera was over that I would still behind the scenes in some capacity. But now I see that it's not at all what I want or what I think is best for me. I will admit that overall porn has been a pretty big disappointment and many of the stereotypes of most porn stars actually stand true.

After my last entry in response to that blog written about Dominik Ryder and myself, I realized something. How much I miss my privacy and how different life was before porn. When you are in the public eye you open yourself to criticism and you learn to take it with a grain of salt. But after a while you get tired of it all and you want you privacy back. The reality is the curtain is going to be closing soon on my days of being on camera. I am not jumping ship just yet as one might say but it's definitely been on my mind alot lately.

Letter to fans

2010-12-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

Recently, I became aware of a porn blog that wrote a review of a movie that I was in. Lets just say that the writer did not like my scene in any way and made that very clear using some very critical words. I wanted to write about this because seeing very negative reviews of my work cuts me to the core. Everytime that I take on a new scene I try and perform to the very best of my abilities and feel that I owe my fans nothing less than an amazing experience. I take my work very seriously and although I can appreciate this bloggers right to their opinion I felt that the personal attacks on myself, co-stars, Tyler Reed the director went too far. Being in porn is difficult work, not only for the time and stamina it takes to make a hot scene, but it can be at times difficult to get lots of work. The porn community is a very closed off group that controls the scenes you get, and often times I find myself not being asked to work. So when a director such as Tyler Reed asks me to work for him, I am readily available. When the cameras are on, as I mentioned before I try and give my hottest performance every time!

I also wanted to address the whole “bareback” movies controversy. First, let me say that most of my movies are in fact bareback films. The reality of it is that once you go bareback its hard to go into non-bareback movies, often times there is a strong prejudice toward performers like Dominik Rider and myself. So at one time both Dominik and myself (as the blogger pointed out in our own words no less) decided that we would no longer make bareback movies, hoping that this would allow us to move into the more mainstream non-bareback films. This didn’t happen, and as you know we work in porn as our career and livelihood, so naturally we had to continue to make films that helped pay the bills, so to speak.

I love all my fans and am grateful for their support of my work. I think that I have one of the best jobs in the world and I plan on continuing to give my 110% every time that I am working. Regardless of any negative review or disparaging blog that is written about me, I will continue to make great porn for all my adoring fans. Lastly, I hope that all my fans want to continue seeing me in some hot movies. Let your favorite porn companies know that you want to see more of me. The more requests, the more you get to see my sexy self do what I do best and I promise that you wont regret it.

Love Always To My Fans.

Andre

True Strength

2010-11-28T16:46:00.000-08:00

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” I just spend a wonderful few days with my family in Connecticut for Thanksgiving and felt inspired to write a blog on strength. I have always considered myself an extremly strong person and that strength isn't something that just happens, I think it's something that is ground into you from the day you are born.

Over the past few months I have written many times about both my father and brother and how ill they both have been. Seeing them this past week was an absolut inspiration. My brother who a year ago was so injured that he couldn't even walk is now walking around like it never happened. He still battles muscle pain everyday but he gets out of bed every morning and goes on with life and does the best he can. My father who was on the brink of death just four months ago is almost back to normal. He still struggles walking on occasion and has some bad days but he is going on with his life. My mother through all of it held it all together and kept them both going. She's the strongest woman I know. All she has endured and she still keeps a positive attitude. She says things will get better and they are. "This too shall pass."

To me true strength is being successful with the cards that life has dealt you. Just like a card game everyone gets dealt a different hand. Sciences still can only come up with one explanation of why certain people can overcome many things and others don't. It's not just the physical but more of the mental strength of a person that determines their survival. What we think eventually becomes our reality. I know my family is a perfect example of defying the odds. To be truly strong, you have to want to fight and not be afraid of anything. You must have a mental determination that will be defeated by nothing.

Every life has its ups and downs. Life is a big rollercoaster.But in the end, we are in control of our own destiny. But in order to control our destiny, we must posess the determination and will power to do whatever it takes to survive. That is true strength.

Gay society

2010-11-12T18:03:00.000-08:00

I recently have blogged about my thoughts and views on gay bullying. But I think it's important to touch on another related topic. The harsh reality of what goes on within the GLBT community itself. I have been out as a gay man now for 11 years and have had my share of experiences. But the thing that has stuck out the most to me is how mean many members of the GLBT community are to each other. Put outside bullying aside and think about inside our community. I travel enough around the country to notice a common trait in the GLBT community no matter where I go. The amount of attitude towards each other. I think the community has become more "clicky"and less accepting of each other in recent years.

The question we in the GLBT community need to ask ourselves is this. How can we stand up against outside bullying when we can't even come together as a community and love one another?? The gay community has become shallow and very pretentious. I know this because contrary to what many people might believe, I never was part of the "click". Gay men can be just downright mean to one another. They insult each other and hurt each other constantly. They don't accept others and stand around in their little clicks looking down on others.What kind of example does this send out???

Young GLBT teens are suffering and many committing suicide due to bullying for being gay. Well where are the rest of us to help those young teen members of our community? The reality is simple. If the GLBT community wants to overcome this bullying and stop gay teen suicides we need to come together first. Put down the pretentious attitudes and start loving one another. We need to show young gay teens that we they are an important part of the GLBT community and that they are not alone. Like a sports game , if your own team can't come together, then how the hell do you expect to defeat the other team??? So please reach out to young members of the community and be a positive influence and help them get through this hard time.

It gets better

2010-10-27T17:57:00.000-07:00

After my last blog about bullying, I got numerous positive e-mails regarding it. With all the news about gay bullying the internet is suddenly filled with videos from celebrities to gay teens telling then that" it gets better". I think it's great that all these celebrities are doing this. Personally I tend to believe that normal people like myself who speak of our personal bullying experiences have a much greater positive effect on gay teens. The people that I admired so far in this life were never celebrites but everyday people who I personally had come into contact with. People who astonished and amazed me with their strength, courage and determination.

I know from my own experience how traumatic bullying experiences can be and the emotional scars it leaves upon us. But we must have faith and believe that things will get better. As the old saying in life goes, "this too shall pass". When I was a teen I suffered that pain but I told myself that one day it would end and I would live my life free of any ridicule. Well that day came but that day only came because I was determined to overcome other peoples negative behaviors. You are only a victim and suffer if you let them get to you. But if you keep your chin up and have the strength to transcend these people then they have lost. The only reason these kids bully others is because they themselves have low self esteem and insecurities.

I look back now at those days and it still hurts but I have a sense of satisfaction. I never let those people hold me back and keep me down. Instead I chose to love and embrace my true self. That is what true courage is!

The reality is that straight, gay or transgender, life is not easy for most people. Life is a constant battle and a constant learning lesson. Success in life isn't measured by your material possesions but rather what you have done with the cards life has dealt you. I know for myself that if I can even help one gay teen get through this hard period in their lives than I have made a worthwhile difference in somebodys life.

Gay Bullying

2010-10-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

Teenagers being harrassed by other kids for being gay is nothing new. But lately with the string of gay suicides, the topic is finally getting in the national spotlight. This is a topic for me that hits home because I can personally relate to what these kids are going through. When I was growing up in Connecticut, my parents sent me to a private catholic boys high school. At the time I wasn't even sure if I was gay yet. I was just realizing that I might be attracted to other boys. I came from a very conservatie family and "gay" was just not even a word ever uttered in my family.

It wasn't that long before the other boys realized I was different and the bullying started. At first it started out as just a little whisper here and there. But over time it escalated out of control. I never publicly came out and said I was gay and it was someting I kept to myself. The first two years of high school were just uncomfortable for me. Junior year is when the bullying started to get bad and I was being called a "queer" and a "faggot" all the time. Senior year it got so out of control that the boys were getting physical with me. Pushing me in the halls and doing anything possible to try and set me up to get in trouble. I had very few friends at that point. That year for me it actually got so bad that in the mornings before school everyday I was so nervous about going to school I would actually throw up. Eventually I told my mother what was going on and she pulled me out of school. She called the head brother and had words with him. Basically near the end of my sernior year I barely went to school anymore. I had my work sent home to me and it wasn't until the very end that I attended school the last few weeks before graduation.

During that entire experience I remember how many times it crossed my mind about suicide and how much easier it would be just to kill myself. I felt so worthless and I cried every night. Luckily my parents did send me to a therapist who really helped me out. Also my parents not forcing me to go to school and my mother going to the school and taking care of business as one might say. Maybe my parents didn't understand the whole gay thing and they weren't alright with it but they stood up for me. I feel so much for all these GLBT kids who are being harrassed. It's wrong and something has to be done about it. Parents need to teach their children about acceptance and treating others with respect. Parents and teachers need to stop putting a blind eye to what's going on. They need to start acknowleding that this is a very serious issue in our schools today!!

Sometimes I look back and wonder how I made it through all that without taking my life. I am stronger person today because of it. I am not going to lie. I know I am scarred emotionally from it and probably always will be. Bottom line is simple. No human being has the right to make another human being feel beneath them. No human being has the right to bully another human being based on their sexual orientation. We as a society need to take a harder stance on bullying and put a stop to it across this country. It's time to start real punishment for bullies and start making examples of them and that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated!!!

September

2010-09-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

I haven't written an entry in my blog in about a month and thought it was long overdue. So much has happened since the last entry. First off I have continued to speak to my family and we are starting to build a relationship again. My father has defied the odds and has made an amazing recovery. He is starting to drive again and he can walk on his own. He doesn't need 24/7 care anymore and he takes himself to physical therapy three times a week. I can't say how astonished I am that he has pulled himself from the brink of death to nearing a full recovery. My brother is slowly getting better and his pain is not as severe as it was. He still has a long slow recovery but the important part is that he is recovering. My mother seems very happy to have me back in her life and she is making an effort to show an interest in my life. So I can't complain that's for sure.

I just recently finished reading another exceptional book. For those who don't know me I am a bit of a nerd to most people because I enjoy reading and I view life as a never ending learning lesson. I just finished reading "the power" which was written by the same author as "the secret." This has been one of those books that changes my life. For anyone who hasn't read the secret, I urge you to go out and get it and read it first before reading the power. The power is an amazing book that focues on the most important feeling in human life. Love!!!! Love is truly all we need in this world. Love is what creates miracles and love is what makes a person's life truly blessed. I belive that we have full control over our lives and our destinies. Our lives are nothing more than a reflection of our thoughts. I think the beauty of being human is that we have the ability to shape our lives exactly the way we wish with our thinking. Everything in your life is based on the law of attraction. It is in your life because you attracted it. Stop blaming circumstances or other people for things in your life. Take control of your destiny. Well I could write about this for pages but I think that is a basic summary.

I have not done any porn shoots since I wrote my last blog. Things for me have definitely slowed down. I still do the occasional shoot but it is not a regular thing like before when I was shooting something almost every week. I am nearing the fifty movie mark so I guess it's normal that is is starting to slow down for me. I rarely do any sort of club appearances or anything of the sort. Really is not my thing. Now being in this industry for over two years it's obvious to me that I am not your "typical" porn star. I am quite the opposite. I am a very mellow person and I pretty much never go out to bars and I don't drink. I rarely have anything in common with other porn stars. Of all the people I have met in porn, Dominik Rider is the only fellow porn star who I consider to be a true friend. I love him dearly. Everyone else is just an acquaintance. We all know the porn world can be one big gossip fest and constant drama show. I try to avoid all of it at all costs. I like having a private life and keeping to myself.

This past week I have been in Fort Lauderdale getting some much needed rest and relaxtion. Heading back to Dallas on monday for a few days and then it's back to Toronto. Time for me to go in the hot tub.

Texas

2010-08-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

It's my last evening in Houston before I head back to Dallas in the morning. Then it's off to San Francisco for the weekend. I have been in Texas for the past ten days. I feel really lucky that I have made an amazing friend Josh, who lives in Dallas. We known each other now for a few months and have become such good friends. He is a wonderful guy and I enjoy our time together so much. Last weekend Josh took me to an event at the W hotel in Dallas and the theme was white party. So we dressed in all white and it was really nice evening and I met alot of people. Monday we headed down to San Antonio and hung out for two days. I posted some pics of us at the Alamo doing the tourist thing. Then I left San Antonio and headed over to Houston. It's been a little road trip around Texas.

Funny thing is the more time I spend in Texas , the more I love it. I love the southern hospitality and people saying things like "y'all". Most of the people are so friendly and kind. Going on this road trip I got to drive all over Texas and outside of the major cities. The landscape was beautiful with just rolling pastures and the endless skyline. I love how so many natives are so proud to be from Texas. Everything in Texas really is bigger! I am currently saving up and hopefully in the coming months will be getting a new apartment in Dallas which I am already really getting excited about. Unfortunately I really don't have much stuff, so I pretty much have to buy everything new and start all over again.

My family is doing okay. My mother is hanging in there. There really has been no progress with my Dad or my brother. They are both pretty much the same and need care 24/7. Thanks to everyone who has been e-mailing me and wishing them well. I will see them next month when I back on the east coast and hopefully things will have gotten better.

Through it all I am just trying to keep positive and hope for the best. Maybe I am just getting older and wiser but more and more I am thankful for all the people in my life that I love so much. Life is very short. I am glad to be reunited with my family again. Through the good and the bad love is what keeps us together. Lately I have been thinking alot about how I am ready for a serious relationship. I have been single now for over four years now. I know in my line of work it's very hard to have a romantic relationship but I guess I am determined to have it all. I know there is somebody out there who is perfect for me.

Well time for me to get to bed. Best regards from Texas.

Andre

Back in the USA

2010-08-11T09:22:00.000-07:00

Back in the USA after 11 days in Toronto. My trip to Toronto was absolutely wonderful and definitely what I needed to get away from it all. I shot several scenes for Tyler Reed and did a live show at Goodhandy's. Dominik Rider was working with me for the first five days of the trip. The last few days I got to totally rest by myself and hit the nude beach and make some new canadian friends. Canada is such a wonderful place and everytime I visit I am so happy there. I usually don't wanna leave and I was sad to leave Toronto.

After Toronto I spent this past weeekend in NYC. I shot a scene for Dark Alley which was alot of fun and nice and dirty just the way I like it. I am looking forward to working with them again next time I am in new york. I got to spend time with several friends and catch up which was great. Sunday I took the train up to Connecticut to see my family. It was the first time I had seen them in almost four years. Emotionally it was a very hard day for me. My mother and sister picked me up at the train station and took me back to my brothers house. I knew my father was very sick and I had prepared myself but seeing the condition which he was in just broke my heart. He looked as though he had aged 20 years. He was sitting out on the patio in his pajamas waiting for me to come. He is in good spirits considering everything that is going on. Just never thought I would see the day so soon that my mother and I have to help my father get up out of the chair and he pushes his walker to get around. My dad was so weak he couldn't even cut his finger nails so I had to do that for him. My brother is very sick and his lyme disease has gotten so bad that now his hands shake and he can barely hold anything. My mother cried several times when she and I were alone just about how sad she is and she doesn't know what she is going to do about both of them. They both need care 24/7. I know it meant alot to all of them that I came to visit and I promised my mother I would come back next month and help her out when she goes back to work.

Now I am here in Texas for the next ten days. It's extremly hot but it's nice being back in Dallas with friends.

Blessed

2010-08-01T19:45:00.000-07:00

Well last weekend was Dore Alley in SF. I must admit it was a bit of a disappointment overall. The street festival was very tame and quite frankly there was nothing to do except just walk around. The weather was extremly cold. It was great though being able to hang with Josh and Dominik Rider all weekend. Tuesday Dominik and I flew here to Toronto. We shot scenes all week for Tyler Reed and kept very busy. Last night Dominik and I did our live performance at Goodhandy's. I will admit I was very nervous about going on stage but I actually was great. So I am relieved about that. I was supposed to leave tomorrow but have decided to extend my stay in Toronto for another four days. As always I absolutely love Canada. Toronto is one of my favorite cities and I am always so happy to be here. Tomorrow I am going to go over to Centre Island to the nude beach to spend the afternoon reading and laying on the beach.

A miracle has happened and I feel truly blessed. A few days ago when I arrived in Toronto my mother called sobbing on the phone. They had pretty much given up hope on my Dad and it looked like he was going to pass away any day. But then a mircale happened. They removed the ventilator and my father started breathing on his own and is slowly regaining conciousness. After 20 days in the ICU today they finally moved him out of ICU and into a normal hospital room. The doctors say he will recover. It will be a slow recovery but he is going to make it. I feel so blessed because I really thought I was going to lose my father. Now we have a second chance to rebuild our relationship and I have every intention of doing that. Friday when I leave Toronto,I am flying to New York. Saturday morning I will take the train to New Haven and go see my dad in the hospital and see my family for the first time in almost four years. Hopefully this will be the beginning of rebuilding our relationship and becoming a family again.

Even though life has through many curve balls at melately, I have hope and know that everything is going to be okay. I think now more than ever I appreciate everyday I have in this life and I am thankful for all the wonderful people in my life. I look around and see how miserable so many people are in this world. Never thankful for all the good things they have and constantly focusing on the negative. Life is too short to be constantly negative and feeling depressed and down on yourself all the time. As Eddy on Ab FAb once said, "Cheer up people,it may never bloody happen." Maybe some people think I am little crazy but I really could care less. I know I am finding myself and along the way I am finding peace and happiness and it feels so damn good.

Dore Alley San Francisco

2010-07-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

A couple random pics from Dore Alley in San Francisco.

2010-07-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

Well with everything going on in my life I am holding it together. There has been pretty much no progress with my Dad. He has been in the hospital for 9 days now and still in ICU. He's stable pretty much but that's about it. He is not any better than he was over a week ago. He is still on a ventelator and still on dialysis. Even after all of the testing , the doctors still have no diagnosis. He is not awake and is being fed through tubes. He is not allowed many visitors as a precaution just in case it is something contagious. I have been talking to my mother and sister almost everyday and I can't help but feel so bad for my mother. She is really being strong. I haven't been to visit yet and my mother has assured me not to rush and kill myself trying to get there since my father isn't awake anyway. He wouldn't even know I was there. Of course if my mother needs me I am ready to drop everything and go back to Connecticut. But right now my mother says she's alright and my sister lives at home with her and she has her two poodles. So at least she is not alone. Honestly I don't know whats going to happen with my dad. I am trying to keep up hope and pray that he's just going to snap out of it.

Obviously my mind is totally preoccupied with my Dad so it has been very hard to be traveling and focusing on work and all that's going on in my life. Tomorrow I head to San Francisco for Dore Alley and then tuesday it's off to Toronto. I think it's actually best I keep myself as busy as possible because otherwise I just think about my Dad and get really sad. It crosses my mind alot about what the future holds for my family. I know I have to stay strong and hold it together and that's what I have every intention of doing.

Live in Toronto

2010-07-17T15:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday July 31st, myself and Dominik Rider will be performing a live sex show at Goodhany's in Toronto. Please if you are in the Toronto area make sure and stop by and see us both.

Life is precious

2010-07-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

Usually for me writing is the best way to express my emotions but also to deal with things. This morning I got an unexpected text from my sister. As many know I haven't spoken to or seen my parents in several years. Lately my mother and I have just started communicating through e-mail and letters. My sister's text was to let me know that my dad is in the hospital in critical condition. My mother wants me to call her this afternoon. I gotta admit I am really nervous about calling my mother but more importantly scared about my father. As of right now my father is unconscious and not alert. Honestly I have already caught myself today tearing up just thinking about my dad.

Sometimes I think in life it takes times like these to realize how precious life is and how important it is to try and rebuild a relationship with my parents. I pray that my dad is going to be alright and I am vowing to myself that I will work on mending our relationship no matter how hard it is. The thought of losing him scares the shit out of me and I don't even wanna think about such a thing. I am telling myself he is going to be okay and god will give us a second chance. So for now all I can do is pray and hope that he's going to make it. I will call my mother later and we will go from there. I will update my blog once I speak to my mother and see what happens.

Update

Talked with my mother for the first time in years last night. She seemed happy to hear from me. My dad is somewhat stablized but he is still in pretty bad condition. But at least his blood pressure and heart are somewhat stable. He is on a ventelator and dialysis and proably will be for a while. The most important thing is he is going to make it but it's going to be a very slow recovery and he will probably be in the hospital for a few weeks.

JRL film awards

2010-07-10T13:17:00.001-07:00

Well the time has come. Voting is now open for the JRL awards. I am up for best gay bottom performer for Laid off from Mustang. I will need every vote I can get. Also my buddy Sage Daniels is up for best bareback top and best bareback bottom performer. So if you could throw him a vote too that would be awesome!! Thanks so much for everyone's support. You can go and vote at
http://www.jrlgayfilmawards.com/

Hypocrisy

2010-07-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

Well as most people know I don't hold much in. I have no issue coming out and talking about issues other people don't have the balls to talk about. My mother always told me to stand up for myself and defend my rights as a human being. Never just sit there and let someone try to put you down and make you feel beneath them. We are human beings and we are all created equal in my book.

The other day I had a huge confrontation with another gay porn star on facebook which actually has blown up into a huge back and forth with a couple porn stars now on facebook and many fans. As many people know I have done my share of bareback movies but I also have starred in many "safe" movies. It has become apparent to me that the backlash against bareback porn stars from many "safe" porn stars and certain studios has gotten out of hand.

I have no problem just saying right out who the porn star was. Jackson Lawless who is an exclusive for hot house club inferno. Note that I myself have done several movies for Hot house in the past. On facebook Jackson made a post commenting about how "evil" bareback porn companies are and how they prey on young boys and take advantage of them. That is the biggest load of crap. Last time I checked we lived in Democracy and we are free to choose to do whatever we want. Nobody forces you to do anything. Jackson proceded to comment on how once you did a bareback movie you would NEVER work for a safe porn company. That's when I had to comment and put in my two cents. I informed Jackson that I have done many bareback movies but yet I still have worked for many major studios including Raging Stallion, Hot House and Falcon.
In exact quotes Jackson stated. "Just look at the bareback studios and its obvious that the guys who do bareback are not the same caliber as those who do mainstream like hot house and C1R." That bareback porn stars are beneath them and we don't have the looks or the talent to do mainstream porn. Jackson honestly believes that since he only works for a safe company that makes him better than other porn stars. He had the balls to basically tell me that I am beneath him. Well I have a newsflash for Mr. Lawless, my porn resume puts him to shame and who the fuck does he think he is.

Then there is the whole porn stars who are positive. Mr. Lawless like certain porn stars holds a stigma against those are positive. They truely feel that people who are positive should be ashamed and should be punished for being positive. It is something that you should hide if you are. Many stars refuse to work with guys who are positve and will go so far as to make nasty remarks to them. I am sorry but last time I checked positive people are not second class citizens. They truely think because they are negative that they are exempt from catching STDS. How dumb and uneducated are they? I don't even want to elaborate more about the discrimination because it gets me so fired up. All I can say is shame on anyone who frowns down on those who are positive.

Let's talk about the hypocrisy behind this matter. The irony is I know way too many "safe" porn stars who off camera bareback all the time. yet because they don't do it on camera that somehow makes them better than the rest of us. Ironically Jackson admitted to me that in his personal life he barebacks. Talk about being a fuckin hypocrite. Personally I am so damn tired of all the negativity and all the judgment from many safe porn stars. As the old saying goes. "those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." I want everyone to know about what really goes on in the gay porn world and the discrimination that takes place everyday.

Well here's my two cents. Jacskon Lawless can go fuck himself and quite frankly I hope everyone finds out what a douche bag and hypocrit he is. I always believe in the end we all get what we deserve. People like Jackson Lawless give gay porn stars a bad name. I hope that I never run into Mr. Lawless because it won't be pretty.

Bottom line, it's time to end the discrimation in the porn industry. It's time to stop letting certain porn stars think it's okay to treat other stars like second class citizens. People who carry that type of attitude should be kicked out of the business. Maybe I am just a hippie but I just don't understand in this messed up world why we can't all just spread love and accept each other for who we are. It's time to stop the ignorance and the hatred.

UPDATE

Jackson Lawless e-mailed me and apoligized. Just when I was about ready to say gee I forgive you and let it go. Then he follows up with a nasty e-mail accusing me of threatening violence on him and then insulting my looks. Going to so far as to say that the only runway I could work would be at the airport as an air traffic controller. He further continued to put himself up on a pedestal about what a big star he was and how great he is. Honestly he didn't do anything but prove to me that I was absolutely correct in my orginial accessment of him. Total hypocritical douche bag. Well that's the end of this story as one would say.

Dating

2010-06-28T17:23:00.001-07:00

There are many things in life that we just never fully understand no matter how hard we try. I always view life as one big learning lesson. We are constantly being challenged and presented with new issues all which make us grow as a human being. It seems as though people are lucky in different departments in life. I think the department I have very bad luck in with is dating and relationships. I just recently turned 29 years old last month and even though technically that is not old at all , I still can't help but feel life is just flying by so fast. It has been over four years now since I have been in a serious relationship. When my ex and I broke up four years ago I really fell apart. It took me months before I could even go on a date. Eventually I healed and started dating again. In the past four years I have had the worst luck and absolutely terrible experiences with dating. Last year the guy I dated for a few months, broke up with me on my birthday.

It seems I have a history of meeting men who mess with my feelings and in the end hurt me. I will admit that lately more than ever I have started to wonder if mr right is ever going to come along. I always thought of myself as an extremely kind and loving guy. People always said as you get older it will get easier and so far it seems quite the opposite. Something happened again lately with someone I liked and it really made me question peoples motives. You put yourself out there and people seem to have no consideration about your feelings. They willingly and knowingly do things that they know will hurt you. Where do you draw the line? When do you say enough is enough when it comes to dating? When does is get to the point where you honestly can't stand having your feelings hurt one more time.

I am okay with being single and I can take of myself just fine. But I don't want to live my whole life like this. I want someone to share my life with. There was the old saying that there is somebody out there for everyone. I wonder if there is any real validity to that. I can't help but wonder maybe there isn't. Maybe not all of us ever meet someone special who takes our breath away. I look around so much especially in the gay community and wonder to myself what has happened to us as a society. When did people become so cold and stopped caring about others. Maybe I was raised differently than other people but I was always taught to be a kind person and always do my best to show that kindness to others and be considerate of their feelings. I know that there must be other really great guys out there who are looking for someone special. But I don't know how you find someone like that. It seems harder and harder to meet quality guys. I know for me I still have some hope that it will happen for me one day but I will admit the older I get the less hope I have.

San Francisco/Salt Lake City

2010-06-20T16:15:00.000-07:00

Just another busy week. Last weekend I flew to San Francisco on Saturday. I arrived and the weather was spectacular. It was so warm and sunny the entire 3 days I was there. Sunday night I did the Raging Stallion Live webshow which I always enjoy doing. It's a great opportunity for me to get to chat directly with fans but more importantly for people to see my real personality and what I am like in normal life. On camera for a movie you really never see what a person is really like. The webshow gives you a chance to do that. Even though at the moment I really haven't been doing any shoots at all, I have been keeping busy with at least a couple appearances each month which have turned out to be alot of fun.

I had no definite plans when I arrived in SF but I ended up being super busy hanging out with old friends and catching up. I think sometimes in life we have to leave something or lose it before we can appreciated how good we had it. Maybe my brief move to Texas was a good wake up call for me. It felt so good to be back in my old neighborhood and with my good friends who I have known for years. It felt like being home again. I travel all the time and have been so many places but at the end of the day to me there is no where like San Francisco. It takes seeing the rest of America before you truely appreciate the city. A few months ago if you asked me , I would have said not a chance in hell am I moving back to SF. How ironic now I find myself saying that exact opposite. This weekend made me realize that I wanna go back home to SF. It's where I belong. So most likely in the fall I will start looking for a new apartment in SF.

Now onto my brief two days in Salt Lake City. I have been alot of places but I have to say Salt Lake is probably one of the crappiest cities I have ever been to and that's saying alot. I honestly could not believe what an absolut dump it was. The only thing pretty about Salt Lake is the mountain ranges that surround it. Other than that if you ask me they stuck a trailer park in middle of a mountain range. I was there for two days and I couldn't wait to leave. Definitely one of those places that I never wanna go back to.

On a personal note, my mother and I have been communicating through e-mail and letters for the past month or so. We hadn't spoken in almost three years and I sent her a mothers day card last month and she responded back surprisingly. So we have been sending cards back and forth and talking about each other's life. I am not sure where it is leading but it's starting to look like maybe in the future I might start to have some sort of relationship with my family again which is really great. Hopefully after all these years of not talking we all have realized how much we love one another. Only time will tell. Well that's my week in a nutshell. I am going back outside to the pool to get some more sun.

Las Vegas/St.Louis/Chicago

2010-06-10T18:36:00.000-07:00

Well it's been an absolutely crazy past two weeks. I have been extremely busy traveling. Last week I was in Las Vegas doing some website shoots. It was a good time as always and the weather was spectacular. Sunny and very hot. Got in some pool time to work on my tan. Also was great because I shared a room all week with my buddy Dominik Rider. We met last fall on a shoot and have stayed in touch since. We have become really good friends and I truly enjoy spending time with him. He is such a sweet guy and he is one of the rare people that I think truly understands me. We both have worked so hard to be where we are and nothing came easy for either of us. It's very nice to find someone I can relate to. With us everything seems so natural and we tend to think alike in many ways. I must admit I defintely have some feelings for him but I don't feel the need to define anything at the moment. Right now we are just friends and I am really enjoying getting to know him more. Everything will happen the way it as meant to. I am not one to share all the details of my personal life. I still like to maintain some privacy when it comes to my personal life.

On another note,Dominik and I will be traveling to Toronto at the end of July. We will be doing a live sex show at Goodhandy's on Saturday July 31st. This will be the second time I have done the show at Goodhandy's and it's a really good time. Dominik and I will be in Toronto for a week so watch out Toronto!!!

I spent a few days earlier this week in St. Louis. I had never been there before. Suprisingly I found it to be a rather charming little city and I really like it. The people are so friendly and its a very laid back mellow city. I stayed downtown and it was nice to have time to just rest and relax. I went around the city and saw the tourist sites such as the famous arch. I posted a pic of the arch that I took. I am looking forward to going back to St. Louis again next month.

Right now I am in Chicago and it has been spectacular as always. Chicago is such a beautiful city but especially this time of year.I am staying at the Drake which is probably the most well known hotel in Chicago. It's a fabulous grand old hotel and it's right across the street from the lake. I put some pics of it on here. This morning I went running along the lake and it was awesome!! I am here for one more day and then Saturday morning I head to San Francisco. Sunday night at 8pm pacific time, I am doing the Raging Stallion live webshow so hope everyone tunes in and asks me all kinds of good questions. I love doing the webshow. It's like having my own talkshow. I wouldn't mind moving out of porn and onto mainstream television. That would totally rock. Well I guess that's my about all that's going on in my world at the moment.

JRL Gay Film Awards

2010-06-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

Well much to my suprise I have been nominated for an award.Nominated for best gay bottom performer for "Laid Off" from Mustang. I am totally shocked but thrilled to be nominated. This is the first time in my two years of gay porn that I have been nominated for an award. It's a really great feeling to finally get some recognition. So the award show isn't till September but keep your fingers crossed that maybe I will go home with the award!!!

Thankful

2010-05-31T17:25:00.000-07:00

Today it is memorial day and thought I would write a little about my feelings of being an American. But also how much it bothers me that so many people take our freedom for granted and have no real appreciation for all those who have helped give us that freedom. I think too many people especially young Americans have no clue about what it means to be an American.

My first relatives came to this country in the early 1600's. My great grandfathers grandfather died in Virginia in the civil war fighting for the north. My relatives have fought for this country in every war since the civil war. I was raised and taught to appreciate what an honor it was to be an American.

It saddens me today because it seems a majority of American society has no clue what being an American is truly about. I was raised by my family with an extremly strong work ethic. I was taught that the beauty of this country is you could be anything you wanted to be if you worked hard enough and you would achieve it. Not many countries in this modern day world would you be able to say that. This country was founded on the principal of freedom for all. We as Americans have so many freedoms and privilages that other people around the world don't have. We are free to live our lives as we please. Maybe things aren't perfect and we always need to work on constantly evolving to make this a better nation. But underneath it all, the principles of what this country was founded on are what make it so great.

The irony of it all as I get older is my dreams of what I want to do in this life have changed. As I get older I seem to be taking more and more of an interest in American politics. I know I am a porn star and that kinda puts me in a certain place that is hard to get out of. But as I get older I realize I do have a dream totally outside of the porn world. To be a politician and make a difference in this country.I am so proud to be an American and I would love to be able to have the power to help make this country even greater. Who knows anything is possible. Maybe one day I will get that chance.

Piranha / Las Vegas

2010-05-25T18:51:00.000-07:00

Well I just got to Dallas after an amazingly awesome weekend in Las Vegas. Scott and I drove to Las Vegas from LA on saturday afternoon. Saturday night was my appearance for casting couch at Piranha. I was really nervous at first but the show was a total blast. It was awesome to see so many fans and I have to admit I really enjoyed the spotlight. It felt awesome that people were there to see me. I was amazed how some people had actually studied up on my webpage and knew so much about me. Now more than ever I realize my favor part of being in the adult industry is occasions like this where I get to meet fans and interact with them. It's alot of fun and you really do get a total high from being on stage. I want to do more appearances like this in the future. The drag show afterwards was entertaining as always. Of course my favorite is when one of them did Lady Gaga and came out with the infamous cigarette glasses.

After a late night , sunday morning Scott headed back to LA and I stayed at the Blue Moon resort for the day.I was lucky enough to meet a really awesome group of guys from LA and ended up hanging with them all day sunday at the pool. Looking forward to hanging out with them again when I am back in LA. Everyone at the Blue Moon was so nice and friendly and of course they were all thrilled to have a porn star staying at the hotel. I had a really nice time staying there. Sunday night I moved to a hotel on the strip and monday I had an entire day of relaxing by the pool working on my tan. Overall it was an amazing weekend and it really felt like I was living life to its fullest. I am back in Dallas for a week but looking forward to being back in Vegas again next week.

Cocktails with the Stars/LA

2010-05-21T21:45:00.000-07:00

Well last night was my night at cocktails with the stars at micky's in west hollywood. My partner in crime for the evening was fellow porn star Dayton O'connor. Dayton and I had never met before but he was alot of fun.

I must admit I was pretty nervous before the show. Shockingly even though I am on camera all the time, off the camera I tend to be a pretty shy and quiet person. Last night was really good for me.It kinda forced me outside of my comfort zone. I rarely make any sort of appearances so it was a pretty big deal for me. The evening was great and it was really nice to meet fans and chat with people. We never did offically decide who was dirtier. Me or Dayton.

Overall it was a very nice but short trip to LA. I was able to catch up with some old friends and hang out. I managed to squeeze in pool time in the afternoons and got a great tan and even had time to do some shopping. Well tomorrow I am off to Las Vegas for my next appearance tomorrow night at Piranha. Then afterwards two days of relaxtion in Vegas before I head to Dallas. I must say that overall considering all the events in my life in the past few months, things are going pretty well. I am getting used to traveling all the time and really enjoying myself. It's going to be a great summer.

San Francisco

2010-05-18T20:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight is my last night in SF. I have been here since friday and I am ready to move on. I hadn't been back here in over two months when I had come to clean out my old apartment. After all that happened in Dallas, I wasn't sure how I would feel being back here in SF. Part of me thought I might come back to visit and decide I want to move back and another part of me said it's in the past. Well it was nice to visit and catch up with friends. Going back to my old neighborhood and walking by my old apartment brought back many memories. But at the same time I realize that San Francisco is definitely a chapter in my life that I have closed. I have absolutely no desire to move back here. Living here for six years was an experience I will never forget but I definitely know now that I have moved on in my life.

I have been doing alot of thinking lately about finding a place to call home in the coming months. I am pretty sure that my new home won't be back here on the west coast. I am leaning towards possibly Chicago or Washington DC. Those are the two cities that I am seriously considering. Traveling so far has been pretty fun and I am loving the constant change of scenery but I do want to have a place to call home in the near future.

Tomorrow I am heading to Los Angeles and starting to get excited and a little nervous about thursday night at micky's in weho. I am definitely excited about Las Vegas. Can't wait to get to Vegas and get some sun and play the slots. Well thats whats going on with me. Now I am off to watch my favorite show, Glee!!!

Las Vegas Poster

2010-05-12T15:21:00.000-07:00

Well here it is. The poster for my upcoming appearance at Piranha in Las Vegas on May 22nd. I am getting really excited about it !! It's going to be a great evening.

Bitch

2010-05-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

So my new quote is, I'm tough, I'm ambitious and if that makes me a bitch, that's what I am." I finally found a quote that I can personally relate to. Apparently the general consensus about me is that I am a total bitch. The irony of this is that anyone who actually knows me well enough, knows that I am the complete opposite. Yes I am a gemini and when it comes to people I either love you or can't stand you. For me there rarely is middle ground.

I think people confuse being tough and determined with being a bitch. My whole life nothing was handed to me and nothing came easy. My family and I worked hard for everything we had. My parents raised me with extremely good values and a strong work ethic. They raised me to be a tough man and have the strength and courage to overcome any obstacle that life might throw my way. When I set out to do something, I don't do it half ass. I always give it all I've got.

I have been told many times in my life by people what a bitch I am and what a snob I can be. I have heard the gossip about me and what some people have said about me behind my back. Yes I will not take crap from anyone and I have no problem telling people right to their face. Nobody walks all over me. If that makes me a bitch, then so be it!!

Well I make no apologies for anything. The reality is I am not a bitch at all. My ex husband told me on the phone last week that I was the toughest person he has ever met. People who don't know me and instantly judge are fools. Those who take the time to know me will discover something shocking. They will find that I am an extremely loving and sensitive person. I would do anything for the people in my life that I love. At the end of the day what other people think of you doesn't really matter. When it's all said and done all that really matters is that you know you are a good person.

Torn

2010-05-05T15:25:00.000-07:00

I left Dallas and arrived in DC yesterday afternoon. My very good friend Michael is letting me stay with him at his apartment. I am going to spend the next ten days here in DC before heading back to San Francisco. After San Francisco I am heading down to LA to do cocktails with the stars at Micky's in West hollywood. Then onto Las Vegas for the casting couch at Piranha. For me I rarely do any appearances of such sorts but I thought it was time to step outside of my comfort zone. On top of it, some good PR couldn't hurt.

Tonight I am having dinner with a guy I met last time I was in DC. We met two months ago. We actually met online and had the intention of just having sex. I went to his place and he answered the door and that all changed in a second. The minute my eyes met his, I was already intrigued. We spend the next two days spending all the time we could together before I went back to Dallas. The first night we spent together at my hotel , I just remember falling asleep with him wrapped in my arms. The next morning when I woke up all I could think was one thing. How I wanted to wake up like that everyday for the rest of this life. The thing that just I can't believe is that he is the only man I can think about. We only had two days together but it was an instant attraction. He is moving next month to NYC to go to medical school. I am am traveling all over the country and don't even have a homebase. I have already pondered with the idea of moving to NYC so I can be with him. Which must sound totally crazy.

As the old saying goes,"the heart wants what it wants." I almost hate the power that he has over me in the sense that he is the only man I want to be with. I can't even describe how excited I am about seeing him tonight. All my friends have told me not to pursue this. That I will only end up with a broken heart. So here I am torn between not listening to my frinds and going with my heart or listening to them and taking the risk of losing someone really special.I always believed in life that there are no coincidences. Everything is planned and happens for a reason. I truly beleive in love at first sight but maybe I am just a hopeless romantic with no sense of reality. The reality is I don't want to be one of those jaded gay men who instantly assumes the worst scenario. I want to be the optimist and think of the wonderful things that could come out of it. I may have had my heart broken many times in the past, but I am not ready to give up on finding true love and happiness.

So I guess we will see what happens and what I decide.I am pretty sure I will do what I have always done in this life so far. I will listen to my heart and go against the crowd. A life without risks is a life not worth living in my book.

UPDATE

Well I followed my heart and like a fool I fell in love. Only one problem was that it was very clear and evident it wasn't mutual. It became obvious that he was more interested in fucking a hot porn star than he was in actually getting to know me as a person. He just strung me along so Iwould keep coming back. I think loving someone and them not loving you back has to be one of the most painful feelings we can experience. What other choice do I have except to move on with my life and hope that maybe somebody better and who loves me back will come into my life. As for him, I shut the door on this "relationship" and take it as yet another lesson in life. I think in the future I might start listening to what my friends tell me. Seems my gut instinct isn't working too well.

Micky's West Hollywood

2010-04-28T19:30:00.001-07:00

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I will be appearing at Micky's in West Hollywood on May 20th. Hope to see you there!!

The Gypsy Life

2010-04-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

So its been over a week now since I moved out and started my life as a modern day Gypsy. I refer to it as the "gypsy" lifestyle since I have no real home and just travel around. I have been in Houston for the past five days and tomorrow I head back to Dallas for a week before I head to Washington, DC.

The other day when I was driving down to Houston from Dallas , one word kept entering my mind, "Freedom". I thought to myself for once in my life, I have absolutely nothing tieing me down. I am free to do whatever I want, when I want. I think more than anything I am trying to find the positive and bright side to all of the recent events in my life. I am now a gypsy so I might as well start making the best of it and enjoy the hell out it. Being completely free is a wonderful feeling and something I think most people never get to feel in their entire life. Yes, there are times when it is rather lonely and I wish I was surrounded by friends and people I love. But in reality being a little lonely is normal and makes you appreciate all the special people in your life even more. I will admit that I get tired of takeout and crave home cooked food.

To me being a gypsy isn't just about moving around. It is about having the freedom to be able to experience so many different things. Traveling isn't just about seeing places. It is about experiencing different cultures, lifestyles and people. Being outside of your comfort zone and experiencing the unknown.

I must say that I have been really flattered by the amounts of invitations from friends and aquaintances offering me a place to stay. I really appreciate every offer. It is nice to know that people care and are willing to help you out. Although I haven't taken up any of the offers. I still prefer to keep my gypsy life for a while, living in hotels until I figure out where I would like to live next. To me this time in my life is about enjoying life and freedom but most importantly it is about self discovery. It is about finding out what I truly want out of this life. This is just another chapter in my life and only time will tell where this chapter leads me.

Luke Riley fucks Andre Barclay at HotHouseBackroom

2010-04-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

HotHouse Backroom writes:

"Andre Barclay and Luke Riley showed up at our set ready to eat each other alive; the two had just met at the gym and were barely able to prevent themselves from fucking before their big scene for you. They only kiss for a few seconds before Andre makes a pig of himself on Luke's huge cock, gagging as he swallows it to the base. Luke flips Andre over and eats his perfect ass before he jumps on top of him and fucks him like a jackhammer!!"

Another blog page wrote, "Andre Barclay getting fucked is always good porn!!!"

This scene has just been released and is already getting rave reviews on blogpages. It is an amazingly intense scene with some good old fashion hardcore fucking!!!

Strength

2010-04-17T17:02:00.000-07:00

True strength is having the ability to overcome anything life throws at you and having the guts to follow your instincts. My last blog was very depressing and it was what I was going through. This week my life turned upside down even more. My living situation with my roomate exploded so bad that I had no choice but to move out. Yesterday I had to return home from Houston to deal with my roomie. Today I moved all of my belongings into storage and I had no where to go. So I checked into a hotel. I had the tough decision of what to do with my puppy. I loved him so much but I needed to find him a home. I gave my little puppy to the family next door. They are a really nice family and I know butch is going to be loved. It was heartbreaking for me but I really had no choice.

As for me I am actually feeling better. I am so relieved to be out of that nightmare living situation. Dallas was not working out for me and I was not happy. So I have my chance to get out and I am taking it. At this point I don't know where I want to go next. So I have decided that I am going to spend the next couple months traveling all over the country and enjoying myself and life. The nice thing about the adult industry is you can live anywhere and just fly in for a shoot.

Even though technically I am "homeless".I don't consider myself homeless cause I have money and am just living in hotels. It's actually kinda nice not having to clean or cook at all. I am not scared at all but rather excited about this new adventure. Hopefully in a few months I will find that new place to call home.

After that last blog entry, I received so many nice encouraging and supportive e-mails. I wanna thank everyone who sent me e-mails. It is really a nice feeling knowing that people care. I am going back to writing my blog. It wasn't till I stopped that I realized how much I enjoy writing it. So bottom line is this. I am pulling myself out this rut and I am fighting back full force. I am determined to come out on top.

The inevitable reality

2010-04-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

Thought it was time to write my weekly blog entry.I am sitting here on the couch while my puppy is running like a man man chasing his ball across the living room. I am back from my trip to Boston. It was a great trip overall. Met with my friend who is a financial advisor to discuss setting myself up financially for the future. The past few weeks I have been doing alot of soul searching. I will admit its been a rather low time for me and I have not been feeling like myself. Next month I turn 29 years old and it kinda scares the crap out of me. Thirty is right around the corner.

For me lately it definitely has been bothering me alot about my porn career. This year has been extremly slow for me. I have only worked 4 times so far this year. Maybe I worry too much or I am being too hard on myself. It could be all in my head but I feel like I am already being pushed out of the industry. As Joan Rivers always said about gossip and being famous, "It's when they stop talking about you is when you need to start worrying." Joan alway said no matter whether it was positive or negative as long as people talked about you then you still were somebody. I worked so hard to get into the industry to begin with. Every studio I applied to several times before they would even call me back. But I was persistent and always had the belief that you can do anything if you want it bad enough.

I think it is rather ironic that once I came right out in the open and talked about my decision to stop doing bareback, how things changed. But not how one would think. As I said in America we always respect the people who have the guts to come out in the open and talk about controversial subjects. Well I did that in my blog and I told people about my decision and the reasons behind it. The irony is that ever since I have, I actually have had less work than I did before. Maybe I should have just shut my big mouth on the entire subject.

I have worked myself to death in the gym and been on ridiculous diets to maintain my body so I would stay looking my absolut best. Well I am over the diets and starving myself to look good. I never considered myself to have a high ego or think too highly of myself. But I own a mirror and I know what I look like. If I had been taller I would have been a runway model. I am going to stop obsessing and start enjoying life. Eating foods like normal people and having some indulgence in my life. I am not saying I am letting myself go but I think for me mentally,it is healthy to stop obsessing and start enjoying life some.

Bottom line is this. I don't know what the future holds. Maybe all of a sudden my porn career will take off or maybe it is going downhill. I just know one thing at this point in time. I have seriously been thinking what is the next chapter in my life after this. What do I want to do next? I am nearing thirty and it is time to start seriously finding my new dreams for the next decade of my life.

I got my puppy that I have always wanted and couldn't be more in love with him.I am actually thinking about getting another one so he has a playmate. I was sitting on the plane the other day and talking to the woman next to me. She was the same age as me. She was telling me about her two little boys and asking me about my life. Asking me why I did not have any children. I told her I would love to have a son but no opportunity has presented itself so far in this life. I want to find someone special to share my life with and have a child. I am not the typical porn star nor will I ever be. Maybe that is why I never have felt favored or gotten much press. I will admit it does piss me off when my costars seem to get all the credit for a scene and not much is said about me. Seems to happen a little too often lately. But I try not to let those things bother me cause I know at the end of the day those things really don't matter.

I have always had high dreams for myself and I will always be determined to achieve every one of them. Maybe my career is having a low right now but I an not throwing in the towel just yet. I may not have the best relationship with my family. But I am proud of the family I come from because we are not quitters. I came from an extremly proud old east coast family. We don't go down without a fight and in the end we always come out on top! Which is exactly what I have every intention of doing.

Boston

2010-04-04T16:09:00.000-07:00

I spent this past weekend in Boston and tomorrow is my last day here before I head back home to Dallas. It was an amaazingly perfect spring weekend in Boston. Sunshine and warm spring weather. Being back here in Boston brings back alot of memories of growing up on the east coast and how different the lifestyle is overall. The highlight by far of my weekend was getting to see my little sister. As I have stated in earlier blogs, I have no relationship with my family.I haven't seen them or even talked to them in over three years. My little sister who I loved dearly snuck up to Boston to see me on Saturday. It was so nice to get to spend the afternoon with my sister and see how grown up she has become. I still remember her as a little girl and now she is 22 years old. We did what any gay man and his sister would do. I took her out to lunch and then took her shopping all afternoon and bought her clothes.

My sister filled me in on all the details of my family and my relatives and it was rather sad to here. My older brother who has suffered clinical depression his whole life is getting worse and is suicidal again. But to make matters worse he was in an auto accident last year. He is now on disability and has severe nerve damage all over his body. So he is not able to work at all or even lift anything. My father who is retired takes care of my brother full time. My grandmother who is 87 now and she is hardly able to drive anymore and her health is fading. One of my uncles has terminal cancer and is dying.

Overall just thinking about it all is saddening. What once was a huge family that was so tightly knit has now become a family that has been ripped apart so many times and in so many ways. It is beyond repair. It saddens me to think about it too much and I try not to focus on it. I have my own life to lead and my own issues at hand. All these things really make you appreciate what you have in this moment. Life is so short and life is precious. It can be pulled right out from under you in the blink of an eye. Sometimes I think to myself how much pain is behind that smile of mine but I know that some things in life we have no control over. We have to do the best with the cards that life has dealt us. So I know for me lately more than ever, I wake up every morning and am thankful to be alive and healthy. Thankful for all the good memories and good times. Optimistic for good days ahead.

Puppy Love

2010-03-27T11:46:00.001-07:00

Well I finally got the puppy I always wanted. Now that I have a house in Dallas, I can finally have a dog. So the other day I went down to the Dallas animal shelter and picked out a chihuahua. He is 5 months old and I named him Butch. I must admit he is one of the biggest chihuahuas I have ever seen for supposedly being five months old. I feel really good that I adopted a dog from the shelter who really needed a home. It was rather heartbreaking to see how many wonderful dogs were at the shelter who are in desperate need of a home.

I picked him up yesterday and he has been nothing but a little crazy love bug since then. He is very hyper and loves to play all the time. But when he crashes he loves to sleep with his daddy. Although last night I realized I have a farting chihuahua. He likes to curl up and sleep next to me on the couch and then in his sleep, he farts. I must admit at first I was totally grossed out but now I just kinda laugh about my stinky chihuahua. He has been with me one day so far and I already love him like crazy.He is my little baby boy and I couldn't be happier with my new puppy.

My life on the D list

2010-03-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

Well thought I would inject some humor in this blog entry. Nothing I loved more than Kathy Griffin and my life on the D list. I always loved how she would admit she was famous but totally D list and damn proud of it. I must admit sometimes well maybe most of the time I feel like I am on the D list of gay porn stars.
Well it us going to be two years next month that I have been in the adult industry. I have worked hard to get this far and have put out some amazing scenes.I have blown the roof of that studio with scenes that were so hot even I was impressed by myself. Well the 2010 grabby nominations are out. Did I get a single nomination?? Of course not. Am I surprised by this?? Absolutely not because I know I am on the D list!!
I can laugh about it because I don't care if I am on the D list. It is a great place to be in my book. You can say whatever you want and just totally be yourself. You don't have to fake to be something your not. I love wearing my cowboy boots and I will openly admit when I go shopping there is nothing I love more than a bargain. I don't shop at Neiman Marcus , I fly coach and I don't get my haircut at an overpriced salon. I could give a shit what people think about me.

At the end of the day maybe I have never won any awards and I won't be surprised if I never do. But that is totally fine with me. I did not work this industry to inflate my ego or for the fame and recognition. I always have and always will do it because I enjoy what I do. There is no greater satisfaction than knowing that through it all you have always stayed true to yourself. Yes maybe it ended me up on the D list but seriously who the fuck really cares!!

Everything has a price tag

2010-03-10T14:59:00.000-08:00

I always wanted to believe that in life you can have your cake and eat it too. I always thought the person who first made that statement must have been very pessimistic. But now I realize they were just being realistic. As many know from my past blogs I try always to be a very positive person and always find the silver linng. I am very thankful for all that I have in this life and by no means in this blog entry and I am trying to make a sad story for myself.

It will be two years in May that I have been in the adult industry. Although I feel like it wasn't till the past six months or so that people are really aware of who I am. The mention of my name and no more do you get the response "who is that". I think for anyone in the adult industry we dream about the day when we have a name that is easily recognizible by most people. We strive to go from being a nobody to being the person that every fan desires. But what we must ask ourselves is what is the price tag for that fame? I know I always wanted to convince myself that through it all, my life would stay the same and there would be no price to pay. Well obviously I fooled myself into believing that until it has now come to the point where you I can no longer ignore the reality of the situation.

Recently more than ever it has become a constant struggle to maintain a personal life. With my recent move I am finding it harder than ever to make quality friends and find meaningful relationships. Yes the loving friendships that I do have are all with people who I knew before I went into the industry. I have stated in previous blogs about my hopes and dreams outside of the adult industry. People have always said it is very lonely at the top. Well it is a very lonely place and sometimes you find yourself asking if the rewards were worth the price you had to pay to get there.

But what I am learning is how to deal with the price tag that comes with this success. It gets lonely sleeping by yourself every night and waking in the morning to nothing but an empty side of the bed. To wonder what it would be like to come home to someone at the end of a long day or be able to roll over in the middle of the night and cuddle. I know for myself many times I see couples who are obviously in love and I can't help but be a bit envious.

I love what I do very much and I have no regrets about my decision to go into the adult industry. I have no intention of quitting at this point or anytime in the near future. Overall it has been a great experience. I enjoy myself on the set and look forward to every shoot I do. I have met some great people at the various studios I have worked for. I will continue to do what I love as long as I can but now more than ever I live life with my eyes wide open to some of the harsh realities of success. I still keep the hope that maybe I can have my cake and eat it too. I guess one would say I am determined to prove the saying wrong. Never give up hope and learn to be thankful for all that we have in this moment.

Tales of the Arabian Nights

2010-03-08T10:26:00.001-08:00

Tales of the Arabian Nights from Raging Stallion is soon to be released. The movie has not been released yet but there is already so much advertisement and so many blogs written about it. Already my scene is being deemed as the best scene of the two disc set. My scene partner Alex Frietas and I put on an unforgettable show for this movie. Hopefully this will be an award winner!!!

2010-03-06T05:34:00.000-08:00

Advertisement for the upcoming Mustang release "Laid Off"

Closing of a chapter

2010-02-27T17:29:00.000-08:00

The past week I have been in San Francisco doing the final cleanup of my apartment. Tonight is the last night I will spend in the apartment that I have called home for the past five years. It is a weird feeling sitting here looking at my almost bare apartment and reflecting back on all the things that have happened in my life in the six years I have lived in San Francisco. It is the closing of a chapter and the beginning of another. I moved out of my parents house in Connecticut 10 years ago. In the course of ten years I have lived in Seattle and San Francisco.

Since I am starting fresh I decided to donate over half of my wardrobe and all of my furniture to the out of the closet thrift store. For those who don't live in California, out of the closet is a group of thrifts stores and all the proceeds go to Aids charities and causes in California. I know for me personally this is a cause I deeply believe in.

Now I am starting a new chapter of my life in Dallas. It is a very drastic change of lifestyle from here in San Francisco but it is a much needed change for me. I will still be in San Francisco often for shoots but now when I come I will no longer be coming home but rather just be a visitor. It has been a roller coaster of six years of ups and downs but I would not trade it for anything. Through it all I have matured and learned many value lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of this life. Naturally there is sadness when you leave somewhere but I find myself more excited and optimistic about what the future holds. I am a firm believer in looking forward and never looking back. I like to think that tomorrow when I shut the door on this apartment for the final time I walk away a braver, more mature and more enlightened person than I was six years ago.

Bad Boy with a heart

2010-02-25T07:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday on queer porn nation there was a blog entry written about me. The link is listed below. When I read the blog I was absolutely thrilled and I want to thank Jason the blogger who wrote such a complimentary article about me. It is a great feeling to know that even in the porn world where looks matter the most, people still also take notice of a persons character and big heart.

I always believed that in life you should follow your heart no matter what. Even now after being in porn for a while, I have never changed who I am or tried to be something I am not. I will always be the same kinky sweet guy with a big heart. Outside of the movie set I am just an ordinary guy who wants a puppy, a partner for life and a house just like many gay men out there. In life, the people we respect and admire the most are those who have the strength and courage to truly be themselves. It is a wonderful feeling to know that people take notice and respect me for that. Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement.

http://www.queerpornnation.com/2010/02/andre-barclay-bad-boy-with-a-heart/

Laid Off

2010-02-24T15:46:00.000-08:00

Well it is finally here! My first movie with Mustang entitled "Laid Off" is being released. I play the prick boss and my co star Mathew Ford plays the foreman. Mathew roughs me up and shows me who is in charge. Nothing is held back in this scene. It has it all, kissing,sucking, fucking, rimming and fisting. Erik Rhodes directed the scene and it truly was a pleasure to have him directing.

weekly update

2010-02-10T17:09:00.000-08:00

I just spent the past two days in San Francisco shooting a scene for Mustang. I am not going to relieve the details of the scene but it is far from predictable and most would say the scene is rather a bit raunchy. My scene partner Tyler Saint was incredibly sexy and a very nice guy. This is my second shoot for Falcon and they are already quickly becoming one of my favorite studios to work for. Everyone is just so incredibly nice and once again I really enjoyed myself on the set.

Outside of the shoot I spend my time trying to start packing up my old apartment and ship some of my stuff to my new place in Dallas. Originally I was going to keep my apartment in San Francisco but have decided to let it go. I have been living in Dallas now for a couple weeks and I am incredibly happy. The move to Dallas was definitely what I needed for my own personal growth and happiness. Just proves that in life if you want to be truly happy you can't be afraid to take risks. At this point in time I find myself happier than I have been in a long time and it is a great feeling.

Ring of Fire

2010-02-07T17:21:00.001-08:00

The latest release from Hot house club inferno titled "Ring of Fire". My scene partner is Trey Walker. Trey and I had an awesome time working together. He is a very sweet man and I truly enjoyed working with him. This is a very hot and intense scene!!!

New Beginning

2010-01-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life."

I have lived in San Francisco for the past six years. I came to the city from Seattle six years ago with a huge sense of optimism. It turned out overall to be a very big let down. I am not going to bash San Francisco in this blog but I will say that overall the city is nothing like people might think. There are many people who truly love San Francisco and then there are those who despise it. For me it has been one constant uphill struggle since day one. I am tired of feeling like I don't belong and after six years I find myself still struggling to find a good group of friends. The overwhelming sense of unhappiness for me has gotten to the point that it is no longer healthy for me to live full time in San Francisco. In life, I try so hard to stay positive and not let negative emotions rule my thoughts. Overall I consider myself a very optimistic person. Those few people who know me well enough, know that nothing in life scares me. I have never been afraid to take a risk. " A life withouth risks is a life not worth living."

I wish I could say that everyone I have told so far has been happy for me but I have received very mixed reactions. There are some who I have told who could not be any happier for me. Those are the people that I know are my true friends and will always support my decisions. For the rest who have had negative opinions, I know that I must ignore that. Only I know what is best for myself. Life is too short to be unhappy. So when things do not work out we need to fnd ways to change them. The solution for me has presented itself and I am ready to take the risk and get a fresh start.

This past week I came to Dallas with the intention of staying for one week. I have decided to stay and spend a majority of my time here in Dallas. A very good friend of mine and I will be leasing a really cute house here in Dallas. We should be signing the lease papers this week and I will be heading back to San Francisco in the near future to gather some of my things to bring to Dallas.

Though I will now spend a majority of my time in Dallas, I will be in San Francisco on a regular basis. I will still have my apartment in SF and will travel back and forth when I am doing movie shoots and to visit some friends. I put my cowboy boots on and I am ready to begin a new chapter of my life. I end this blog entry with a sense of optimism and excitement about the new possibilties that lie ahead of me.

First release of 2010

2010-01-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

So here it is!! The first release of 2010. From Raging Stallion entitled Junkyard Fist Dogs. In the opening scene I am paired with Antonio Biaggi. A very hot scene where Antonio shows his aggressive side and gives me a ride that I won't forget. This is definitely a scene worth watching!!!

RSS Shoot

2010-01-10T08:12:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update of my week. Yesterday I shot a scene with Alexsander Freitas at Raging Stallion. Alexsander is an amazingly sexy and sweet guy who I was thrilled to be able to work with on his first shoot with Raging Stallion.I posted the pic of us at the set. The scene turned out absolutely amazing and all I can say is we were both out of breath on many occasions. This is the first scene I have shot in 2010 and I think this might be one of my best scenes yet. I hope there will be another scene with us together again in the future.

Quick Thank You

2010-01-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to write a quick thank you to everyone who got online tonight for my live webshow with Raging Stallion. It was great to see people viewing from all over the country and the world. I had a great time and I love being able to talk with fans and answer their questions. I am definitely looking forward to doing another webshow in the near future. Thanks again to everyone for tuning in tonight.

New Decade

2009-12-31T20:18:00.000-08:00

I tend to usually write things mainly career oriented in my blogs. I think its important to give a more personal insight also. Things I normally would write in my own personal diary. I like to think that for someone my age I have had an extremly fascinating life. I have been toying with the possibility of writing a book in the coming years about my life. Well anyway this is my new years blog.
A new year is upon us once again but more importantly the start of a new decade. The end of this decade is an important milestone in my life. It was the first decade of my adult life. In December 1999, I had just moved out on my own for the first time. I sit here now and look back upon this past decade. I have always and always will live my life with no regrets. I look back and think of some of the crazy risks I took and the lessons I have learned. This decade for me has had its share of emotional ups and downs. Many good times and days that I hoped would never end. But also this decade had its share of sadness.
I remember learning a very important lesson in life. Learning to truly cherish the moments we have together. As the old saying goes, "all we have is now." I remember when i went to live with my great aunt on the family estate for the last two months of her life. I watched her slowly fade everyday for that last two months. I remember sitting in the afternoons with her and we talked about all the wonderful memories we had over the years. She taught me so much and gave me such insight into life. These are the kind of memories that I will cherish for the rest of this life.
I consider myself very lucky to have been truly in love twice in this past decade. Yes both relationships eventually ended but the friendships I have built with both of these men will endure a lifetime. I hope that this new decade will bring another great love into my life.
The bottom line is that this decade has been a decade of loving, living and learning. Life is all about personal evolution and it can be a beautiful journey.

Holiday

2009-12-28T16:31:00.001-08:00

Personally for me Christmas is usually one of the emotionally hardest times of the year. A bit about my family background and it is very understandable why the holidays tend to be so hard. I haven't seen my family in four years and honestly I don't know if I will ever see them again. My parents can't accept the fact that I am gay. As far as they are concerned, I pretty much do not exist. I have one biological brother who suffers from constant clinical depression and we never could get along even as children. I have an adopted younger sister. My sister is the only person in my family who can accept me. Unfortunately she still lives with my parents and is not permitted to speak to me and we only communicate through e-mail.
Usually Christmas is a very depressing time for me. This Christmas was different. I am sure it is many factors in life. Maybe I am getting older and wiser. Maybe I am just accepting the reality and learning how to cope with it. But either way the bottom line is this Christmas was different. This was the first year in a long time that I actually spent several afternoons in my kitchen baking. Christmas day my best friend Jesus and his partner invited me over to their place. It was a very small gathering and we had an amazing dinner. Many times especially in gay society, our closest friends become our family. I know this holiday without a doubt the thing that I am most thankful for is those close friends who are always there for me. Especially my best friend Jesus. In the five years of being friends, he has always been there for me. I love him like he was my own brother.
Well that is my quick recap of the holiday. Looking forward to 2010.

Upcoming Releases

2009-12-21T06:10:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update on new movies that will be coming on the market in the near future. I have been working on several new fisting scenes with Raging Stallion that will be released over the coming months. Also I am thrilled about a totally rockin new scene with Mustang that is sure to get attention. Overall it has been a really great year for me. I am truly looking forward to 2010 and partaking in many more hot scenes.
Andre Barclay

The Pity Party

2009-12-19T05:57:00.000-08:00

Maybe it is the time of year with the holidays but it seems like way too many people lately are just down on life. Well I have to say for myself quite honestly I am tired of hearing everyone's sad stories. It is gotten to the point for me that I really no longer feel bad for these people. The thing that irritates me the most is when you offer people help and try to be there for them and they don't take it. I recently tried to reach out to somebody who obviously needed help and they totally ignored my offer. Well then seriously it is nobody's fault but your own.
On a quick side note. I know that some people truly do suffer from serious clinical depression which is chemical and out of their control. I myself as a teenager watched my brother go through a very serious depression for many years. As he tried to kill himself on several different occasions. I will never forget the times going to visit him in the hospital and how hard that was. I saw the pain he went through and the effect it had on all of us loved him dearly. I just wanted to make it clear that I am not discounting people who suffer from real clinical depression. Clinical depression is no joking matter and a very serious health issue in society. I am rather just annoyed by people who are just pitying themselves and doing it sometimes for the attention.
Every human being has gone through hard times and we all have a sad story of our own. But many of us choose to overcome those situations and move on in life. A quote that I always tell people is this. "It is not the situations in life that make us who we are, but rather how we deal with them".
For all those people out there who have so much in life and yet somehow manage to cry a sad story, I have a newsflash for you. Go outside and look around the streets. These days its not hard to see people truly struggling. See all the people who have absolutely nothing. People who have no home and don't know when they will eat their next meal. Maybe then you might get some sense knocked into your head and stop the pity party. You have a place to live? You have food on the table? Well if you can answer yes to both of those than you have more to be thankful for than alot of people.
I wake up every morning and I am truly thankful for all that I have. Yes maybe life is not exactly what we imagined it would be. But when you take the time to stop and think, you realize there are so many things to be thankful for.

Andre Barclay

Serious Decision

2009-12-17T05:23:00.001-08:00

I have been debating for a while now if I should post this blog topic and let it be out in the open or rather just stay quiet and say nothing. After much thought I think it is best to come out and talk about it. This is a rather serious and important blog entry for me. Something that needs to be said and put to rest. This is America and I know in this country we respect people who have the courage to come out and talk about controversial subjects that most people would rather just ignore.

Being in the adult industry you quickly learn that you have no secrets. Much of your life is one open book. A quick online search of your name and every piece of video work you have ever done comes up in a matter of seconds. There are no secrets and if you think there is then the only person your fooling is yourself.

As most people in the industry I am sure already know and most fans. I myself in the past have been involved in numerous "bareback" gay adult movies. A quick search and plenty of search results will come up of me practicing unsafe sex. In my defense of course I have done many which were what we would call "safe sex" movies. I have been doing adult films now since about May of 2008. When I started in this industry I admit I was a bit naive and did know much about the industry. At first I applied to major studios and nobody hired me so I was offered other small stuff doing bareback. At the time I did not realize the implications of what doing bareback would have on my career in the industry. There are many companies who have strict policies that bar people who have ever done bareback from appearing in their films.

I am sure there are plenty of people in the industry who probably already have cast their judgment on me for some of my past work. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. In my life I try my hardest never to cast judgment upon other people and I really hope they can do the same for me. Everyone deserves a second chance in life and people do have the ability to change their ways.

When i was doing "bareback"movies, I never fully realized the implications that it might have. I always thought to myself that people realize this is quote "fantasy" for a lack of a better word. But now after being in the industry for a while I am realizing how much influence we really do have upon gay men and their sexual behavior. I look back now to when I was a bit younger and rather naive about life as a gay man and think how easily I would have been influenced by seeing unsafe sex in a movie. The message we send out is a very strong one and it influences peoples sexual behaviors more than we realize. It scares me because I meet too many young gay men who just don't care when it comes to sex. They are very irresponsible and can be wreckless. Not thinking about the future implications of their actions.

I consider myself really lucky that I have been able to transition into doing safe sex movies with very reputable studios. After doing bareback that is not an easy task. I can't say enough how much I appreciate the people who have given me the opportunity to do that. So the bottom line of this whole blog entry is pretty simple. I will no longer be appearing in any sort of adult work that depicts unsafe sex practices. Of course the past things i have done will always be in circulation somewhere but whats important is for people to know that it is all in the past. So anything that might come on the market was filmed before December 1st, 2009. It took me a little time to think about whether or not to post this and what to say. Bottom line is that I truly love the work that I do and I look forward to continuing to participate in many more great "safe sex" gay films in the future.

Andre Barclay

DC Weekend

2009-12-16T17:08:00.000-08:00

I just got back on Monday from spending the weekend in Washington DC. Overall it was a very relaxing weekend. With the exception of flying of course. Missed my connection on the way there and on the way back. So both times I was about 4 hours late arriving. Sunday I had brunch in Adams Morgan with my good friend Micheal. We actually met in DC this past June and we already have become such great friends and I love him very much.
Sunday afternoon I actually met a absolutely wonderful man named Pierre. He is Canadian and lives in Montreal. We ended up having dinner Sunday night. It was one of those absolutely perfect unplanned and unexpected kind of evenings. We went out to a great Thai restaurant in Logan Circle and had a spectacular dinner with great conversation. We went back to my hotel and sat in the lounge and talked more. Not to go into further details but there was more after that and it was absolutely amazing. Monday when I was sitting on the plane I could not help but just smile and think how great life can be.
As I am getting older I am learning a very valuable lesson. Most of the absolute best experiences and memories in life are the times that are unscripted. Sunday night was a perfect example. When you meet another person in the most unexpected places and you just instantly hit it off and have a connection. Last year I read the book, "the power of now". I highly recommend it if you have not read it. Living in the moment is the main theme of the book. These days more than ever I am learning the beauty of living life in the moment and how spectacular it can be.

Andre Barclay

Food for thought

2009-12-11T19:57:00.001-08:00

"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances." - Benjamin Franklin

A quote from a chapter of a new book that I have been reading called "The Key". If you look around society there are so many people who are so unhappy and most always blame their unhappiness on their current circumstances. We as humans tend to tell ourselves that if we had this or this happened then we would be happy. The reality is that it won't make you happy. In my own life I have battled with much unhappiness and constant struggles. Now it seems so clear to me that the key to finding true happiness is the ability to be truly happy in the moment. Such a simple theory yet why did it take so long to figure out?
I truly enjoy my work and it always is such a great feeling when somebody tells me they are a fan. To this day every time I see a new ad banner or advertisement with me in it, I get a little excited and it makes me giggle. Once you learn how to be truly happy in the current moment there is nothing you can't achieve. Overall I feel pretty blessed to have all that I have in this life.

Andre Barclay

First Blog

2009-12-11T16:36:00.000-08:00

So this is my first entry since I created this blog. This week was rather an exciting week. Wednesday was my first shoot working for Falcon Studios. I admit I was a bit nervous but very excited at the same time since I had been waiting for a long time for this opportunity. I think the shoot turned out amazing and I can't wait for it come out. I had a great scene partner and we had alot of fun together. I met Erik Rhodes for the first time. This was the first movie he was directing.
Yesterday I arrived here in DC for the week. Its sunny but freezing cold. On the plane yesterday I did so much thinking about my life and where it is leading. Probably since it's the holidays and a new year is right around the corner. I am starting to think about what my goals are for the coming year. I must admit work is definitely on the top of my priority list. I hope in the coming year that I will get the opportunity to star in some big movies. On a more personal note I must admit deep down I hope that this coming year I will meet that special someone to share my life with.

Andre Barclay